a cautionary tale about the path of least resistance

Here is how it works: copy this list; leave in the bands you've seen perform live; delete the ones you haven't, and add new ones that you have seen until you reach 25. An asterisk means the previous person had it on their list. Two asterisks means the last two people who did this before you had that band on their list.

1. Sonic Youth****
2. Bjork*
3. Nick Cave
4. The Stooges
5. Buzzcocks
6. Radio Birdman
7. They Might Be Giants
8. Bob Log III
9. The Reverend Horton Heat
10. Camera Obscura*
11. Detroit Cobras
12. The Hives
13. Le Tigre
14. The Breeders*
15. Primus
16. Cat Power*
17. Rodriquez
18. Mogwai
19. Pixies*
20. Yo La Tengo
21. Guitar Wolf
22. Nashville Pussy
23. John Spencer Blues Explosion
24. White Stripes**
25. Thee Monkey Butlers

The Annoying
-It looks like I'm not going to get my place because the previous owners have just found a buyer who wants to actually *live* in the place rather than use it as an investment property. Selfish. I should've signed that fracking lease as soon as I was approved. Oh well. That'll learn me.


The Amusing
-I won my bid on a smoke machine on graysonline.
-I lost my bid on a document scanner. Phew.
-I get to look at online real estate ads again.

The family home is being sold in about 6 weeks so I'm going through all the crap in my old room that I thought I was leaving in free storage forever. Damnit. It's mostly been old school workbooks (from kindergarten through to university), lots of 3.5" floppies, antique computer bits & games (Kings Quest 5!!), notes from old girlfriends and a surprising amount of Star Trek TNG paraphernalia. It's been pretty easy deciding what to keep and what to chuck. Until now. Because I just found an ageing photocopy of the sheet music to Every Rose Has Its Thorn. I don't even remember where I would've got it from.

I was just about to ask for votes on whether I should keep it or not. But I just read through the lyrics and that is a fucking beautiful song, man. I am serious. It got me a little emotional. I'm totally hanging on to that one.

( puppet beck + fake arguing about whether or not to do an encore )


The last one is Kim singing Gigantic after all the fake arguments were over. Beck's puppet show was highly amusing. Festivals are still hell.

Pixies last night (see above). Same again tonight.

I have never seen so many smiling faces at a gig. There were even a few tears of joy at the end there. Not from me. Although I may've got something in my eye in the middle of Hey.

Day off today, so I went to the doctor's for a cholesterol, blood pressure, genetic-propensity-for-dropping-dead-at-40-etc check up. My local GP is excellent and one of the few doctors leading the way in harm-minimisation drug policy and practice, so I'm waiting on the steps of the surgery with an ex-junkie who's there for his methadone. He asks me if I'm in the program too. I say I'm not and he congratulates me on not being a user. He says that he hates coming to the surgery because it's right in the middle of the Cross and he's constantly being asked if he wants to score. He has H-A-T-E tattooed on one set of knuckles and L-O-V-E on the other. He hates methadone. It's ruining his teeth. He wants to marry his girlfriend of 8 years but not until he's had his teeth fixed. He's missing one at the front and says that he'd like to be able to smile in his wedding photos. He tells me that a bunch of guys tried to rob him a while back and the police took no notice even though he could've easily identified one of the attackers. He also says that he just learnt that it's ok to hit someone in self-defence but you have to stop once they're on the ground and not moving any more. He's a big fan of Sunrise - one of those morning news(?) shows. The doctor finally arrives and he goes in for his methadone. While he's in there a couple of rock stars come in for their methadone too. No idea who they are but one of them has black boots with cuban heels, black jeans (over skinny heroin legs), black shirt and messy goth hair. Their minder has brought them in here and assures the nurse that they have all of the necessary transfer documentation. My old mate with the missing tooth comes back out and says that it was nice talking to me and heads out the door.

Just finished reading Medieval Lives. V good read. It criticises the Renaissance for inventing the 'middle ages' and then rubbishing it as a backward period of history in order to make themselves look better. Pretty much how history works, I guess.

I feel like plugging it, so here's a snippet-

Prudery was not a virtue. Women were expected to be sexually active and to demand the same from their husbands. If the man failed to perform in the marriage bed, the wife was perfectly at liberty to go public about it. A twelfth-century manual advocates a physical examination of the man's genitals by 'wise matrons' who - presumably - knew how these things worked. Witnesses were then summoned to observe a full-blown road test of the under-performing member.

A man and a woman are to be placed together in one bed and wise women are to be summoned around the bed for many nights. And if the man's member is always found useless and as if dead, the couple are well able to be separated.

That is sadly how we know about Walter de Fonte, a citizen of Canterbury in the thirteenth century. In 1292, his wife complained he was impotent. He was duly examined by 12 worthy women 'of good reputation and honest life' who testified that his 'virile member' was 'useless'. What a way to enter history.

Much better than marriage/relationship counselling nowadays, eh?

I had the best time getting my wisdom teeth out today. 25 minutes on the gas but each tooth came out in less than 3 seconds. First time with the gas too. Think I might've said a few things which seemed normal to me but resulted in a Bernadette, could you adjust the mix on the nitrous, please? everytime. Still, even if I wasn't on drugs I think I would've been impressed. Tooth-pulling technology really has come a long way since I was seven and had one pulled (by the same dentist) with, what I remember being, a big ol' pair of pliers. Afterwards my Dad took me to see On Golden Pond with a mouth full of bloody gauze. Ah, the memories.

Actually, now it is starting to hurt a little. It might be time to rinse with warm salty water and then decide between Nurofen Plus, Panadeine Forte, Diazepam or Clonazepam. We also get over-the-counter Vegemite here too. I suggest sanctions.

Step #1 - Pour yourself a glass of milk.
Step #2 - Fart into said glass.
Step #3 - Make your way to a room containing Person A who is an unsuspecting sibling, parent, girlfriend, boyfriend, or guardian.
Step #4 - Bring glass up to mouth as if to take a sip, make face, then offer the glass to Person A and ask Ew, is this milk off?

Hilarious, no? Even more so because of the unnecessary elaborateness [insert real word if you can think of it] of the plan. Or at least I thought so when a friend of mine explained that her little sister used to pull this on her. BTW, is this new material or did she steal it off an 80s teen movie?

Anyway, there's actually a Step #5 which is - make certain that you do not perform Step #2 in front of Person A, and definitely not in front of a dozen or so people in a party situation. It makes subsequent party conversation awkward and you may feel the need to leave soon after. It's highly likely that the next day you will experience headache, nausea and regret.

My friend Danielle has written a thought-provoking, ground-breaking, genre-crossing, award-winning, double-barrelled script for our next no budget short feature - Aliens vs Ninjas. Since funding is already taken care of, we've launched straight into doing some sfx screen tests (see links below). I'd also like to thank her for giving me the opportunity to jump right over the myspace bandwagon and straight onto the youtube train.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FMJPtZDjrlo
http://youtube.com/watch?v=XZk2gnKRNro
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fClGg4dlUNE

Sound will come later. As will casting couch starlets, selling out to Hollywood, mountains of coke, legal action... I can't wait.

I'm not even going to mention that I haven't posted for a while because that pile of crap is almost as old as me. So, straight on to the movie reviews.

The Birds
Should've had an ending. Suzanne Pleshette is hot. The Tippi Hendren screen test was so laden with hey-baby-the-part's-yours-if-you-just-sit-on-my-lap-for-a-little-while that even I was offended. Can't believe it's taken me this long to see it.

Perverts Guide to the Cinema Parts 1, 2 and 3
Watching 3 parts of a documentary in a row was pretty hard going but it was more or less interesting. Made me want to see more Hitchcock. (Hehe. Cock. Three hours and that didn't get a mention?!!) Also made me want to see Stalker.

Stalker
Three attempts and I couldn't stay awake for the whole thing, but what I saw was really pretty. I might try again one day.

God On My Side
Documentary on the National Religious Broadcasters' Convention.
A) How is it possible that such a thing exists?
2) Hats off for not making it a complete cheap shot at these religious whackos (as tempting as that may be).
C) It's a little frightening that so many people are really excited about the end of the world being just around the corner.
D) Andrew Denton is clever. So is Jon Casimir (he was the guy who I used to use as a quote for my user info before I decided that an ad' from 1970s Playboy was a more honest option). They did a Q&A after the movie. Someone asked Denton what his religious beliefs were and how he felt about religion, he said something like: "I was raised Catholic, went to a Jewish primary school and an Anglican high school. None of it seemed to stick. I'm not sure if there is a god or not, but basically I think that you can't fault a person for anything they believe in. It's only when they start putting what they believe into action that you can start to criticise it." Or something like that. Amen, brother. Good answer. Someone also asked him about what he felt about George W Bush. His response was that he seemed like a decent person and that he'd have no problem with him rising up through the ranks to some middle management position.
v) Those evangelical toupée brothers were hilarious (and sad and pathetic).

The Descent
Best horror movie I've seen for a very, VERY long time. It's about a bunch of extreme sports, adrenalin junkies who go caving (a metaphorical exploration of their own vaginas) and stumble across something terrifying and violent in the darkness (voracious female sexuality or something)... oops, that pervert's guide to the cinema got me overanalysing everything. Anyway, it's a horror movie about sexual competitiveness between best friends. I give it four billion stars out of 10.

<ASIDE> Oh, I can hear someone vomiting outside my window. Loverly. </ASIDE>

Um. That kinda broke my concentration. That's it.

Jeez. You don't touch livejournal for 3 to 5 years and when you get back everything's different.

I had acupuncture for the first time yesterday. And cups. I have the back hickies to prove it. And surprise! I'm fairly certain that acupuncture actually does something. Was able to confirm all those martial arts movie paralysis-by-little-needles things and also a strange all-i-wanted-was-a-pepsi-NO-YOU'RE-ON-DRUGS sensation after the needles.

Everything else is also different. Job, home, etc. Sux a bit. But also isn't that bad. Just like real life. Dad's in hospital. Ironically I see more of him now than I did when he was at home. Ben/Adam/Serfborg, I was getting him into his pyjamas in hospital when your sister came on channel 7. Oo-er.

I finished my first book in about 9 months the other day - 'Life Of Pi'. Turns out to be nothing to do with year 7 maths. Blurb said that it'd make me believe in god. Pretty sure the book's message was that faith/god/religion was a pretty fantasy designed to hide the unbelievably awful, horrible truth from us. Or I may be misinterpreting.

Lotto numbers: 28, 38, 48, 58, 29, 17

It's almost midnight, so the baby next door is crying like its parents are practicing some weirdo "don't touch the baby if it's screaming like it's about to die" parenting technique. Nice one.

1. The Pope
2. Ariel Sharon
3. Dick Cheney

People who I wished dead circa 2004.

Just die, you fucking mermaid. I'm getting sick of holding back my 2-out-of-3-ain't-bad post.

Just when I thought Australia couldn't suck any more. Oh well. I guess these cute little kids will be touring Australia any day now.

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Anyways. I was allowed on the radio again on Saturday.

1. This ad for The Stooges
2. TV Eye - Stooges
3. Suffragette City - Turbonegro
4. American Family Association
5. High School Girls - Bantam Rooster
6. Agile, Mobile, Hostile - Andre Williams
7. Laundromat Blues - Charlie "Little Jazz" Ferguson and His Orchestra
8. I'm not a sicko there's a plate in my head - Oblivians
9. 1979 McDonald's promo thingy
10. Cops - The Rip Offs
11. The paperless office - The Sailors
12. I hate rules - The Reds
13. What is a Fisteris? - The Joker
14. Hey - Pixies (love song dedication to my special sweet lady friend to make up for dedicating Kriss Kross to her last time)
15. Ya Ya Ya - Detroit Cobras
16. It ain't the meat - The Swallows
17. C64 - Barcelona
18. O.D.'D in Denver - Eddie Spaghetti and/or the Railbenders
19. Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That cigarette) - Tex Williams and the Western Caravan
20. I Wonder - Rodriguez
21. Hanky Panky - The Raindrops
22. No reason to complain - The Alarm Clocks
23. No reason to complain - Teengenerate
24. Christmas is a-comin' - Shitbirds
25. Christmas wish - El Vez
26. Nothing for me - The Muffs
27. The Crusher - The Finks

'night.

I might be a Manager by Monday afternoon... or not really because I wear too many t-shirts. The extra cash and the not having to worry about a job for the next 9 months would be nice though. But I don't really care because I work in a place where people make signs like this and stick them up in the toilets.

I forgot to mention the nerdy parts of last week.

Work gave me a 6-pack of beer and a CD voucher for putting a toe outside the line of my job description for about half an hour and writing a macro that sorts and deletes (or highlights suspected) duplicates in a mailing list in Excel. Neat. Who says you don't get bonuses in the public service?!

On Saturday night I went to a chess party in a former Holocaust museum. They still have the miniature machine gun turrets on the gates over the driveway and barbed wire on the fence with their neighbour. Cute. But the chess nerds were intimidating me, so I played 1942 on their original, cocktail-style arcade table instead. I finally worked out what LAST 32 STAGE means.

At the documentary on Friday, the CIA guy mentions that meeting with Muslim extremists in Afghanistan in the '80s was not unlike walking into that dodgy looking bar in Star Wars. Some young wag behind us says yoto yoto. There is a tittering but I inwardly scoff because I know that he's quoting alien (Princess Leia in disguise) dialogue from Return of the Jedi not Star Wars. Pfft. Bet he feels pretty silly now.

Last night I went to the Mu Meson Archives and saw 2 out of 3 episodes of a BBC documentary on the politics of fear. Kind of like that Michael Moore movie but more researchy and less preachy or something (I can't actually remember much about that movie except that I didn't think it was as bad as everyone said). Had to leave early because it was chewing into The Beer Drinking time and I thought that I'd be able to find somewhere to download it tomorrow anyway... which I did. The CIA guy in the 2nd episode was so much like Joe Don Baker's character in Edge Of Darkness. It was creepy.

Today I watched Cruel Intentions 2 with one of my housemates which made us both realise exactly how frustrated we were. She made plans to get lucky tonight. I'm just embarrassed about it.

Also watched a bit more of the new Dr Who. I think the Aliens-Disguised-As-Fat-Farties and the Dalek episodes have finally made me a fan.

Yep. That's about it.

Trash & Treasure Night IV

It's really T&T I but I just thought I'd drop an inappropriate allusion in there anyway. So. About a week or so ago I was invited to a Trash & Treasure night (aka B&S Ball aka Singles Night aka Contiki Under-35s Pacific Pleasure Cruise). I said yes partly out of politeness and partly because I thought the idea was pretty hilarious and tacky. I'm meeting my Partner-In-Trash in about an hour and a half at a fancy pants bar that I would never consider going to under normal circumstances. I feel quite ill. I'm worried about what else I might say yes to out of politeness and appreciation of the tacky.

And why am I going to a Trash & Treasure night when I'm really in love with Maggie Gyllenahllalllaaaall anyway?? I hope she doesn't find out.

[post t&t update]
It was a little strange. Beer made it all better. Eye contact was the weirdest thing because you knew you were BOTH SINGLE and there for A REASON. A girl who I liked started talking to me about databases but then left when other girls tried to join in the conversation. Even organised dating is hard.

I just took myself on another movie date. Not really a proper date this time because I'd already taken advantage of myself a couple of times last night. Had one of those awkward mornings where I'm trying to keep up the polite conversation while getting breakfast together. I should've thought of going to the movies earlier, just to get me out of the house.

The date ended badly because I really liked The Life Aquatic but my date thought it was pretty average, stilted and just a little bit "lost" or something? But we both admitted that we got nipple stiffies when Search and Destroy came on, so it's not a total loss. I think we'll see each other again. Maybe just as friends.

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In other news, Australia sux balls.



Please send drug-resistant flu, ASAP. Thanks.

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[edit] Something Else That I Probably Should've Kept To Myself
I nearly pooed my pants on Friday night. How? I got home (not really, I was house-sitting again) from a birthday party for a girl from work. Needless to say, I was quite boozey. I went to bed almost straightaway but I was singing Jackson 5 songs to the dogs and substituting a fart when I didn't know the words. Turns out I don't know many of the words to Jackson 5 songs, but that didn't stop me from trying really hard to finish what I started.

Don't pretend that it couldn't have just as easily happened to you.

I broke dead even.

Wearing a suit made me feel really uncomfortable (interview flashbacks?) and I was concentrating so hard on the game of blackjack in front of me that I couldn't even have a drink and relax. And my mouth was completely dry. Like I was trying to talk to a pretty girl or something.

Probably should've gone to the Guitar Wolf tribute show instead.